We Haven’t Had Sex Since My Girlfriend was Raped
Sexual assault is a horrifying, traumatic experience that impacts nearly every aspect of the victim’s life, especially romantic relationships. Not only does your partner not want to have sex, but they might also have no desire to be intimate with you at all.
This can generate some painful emotions, like anger and frustration. You want your relationship to return to how it was before the assault. You may also feel the need to retaliate against your partner’s attacker.
But that’s not what your partner needs right now. They need your patience, understanding, and support, so they don’t feel like they have to go through the healing process alone.
Why Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Have Sex
Sexual assault can change the victim’s relationship with their own body. It’s extremely common for survivors to develop fear-based reactions to physical touch, or experience symptoms of trauma like flashbacks, nightmares, or panic attacks.
These symptoms can feel like insurmountable obstacles. But other victims of assault have managed to regain their sex lives. How did they do it? In many cases, it’s because their partner was committed to being on this journey to recovery with them.
As a partner of an assault victim, this is the task you are faced with: Putting your own sexual needs aside so you can prioritize your partner’s recovery.
What You Can Do to Support Their Recovery
If you want to help your partner recover from sexual assault, it’s very important to let them know you still love them. Reassuring your partner that your feelings have not changed is an important way of showing that you are not ashamed of them for what happened.
Some victims of sexual assault have trouble talking about the incident, others find themselves talking about it over and over again. Either way, you have to let your partner open in their own way, and at their own pace. Let them know you’re there to listen whenever they need to talk, but don’t pressure them to open up if they’re not comfortable yet.
On that note, you should extend the same grace to your partner’s capacity to be intimate with you, even just touching. Your partner will likely need time to regain a sense of control over their body. Until then, seek permission to hold or touch your partner.
You Have to Take Care of Yourself, Too
If hearing about your partner’s assault brings you pain, talking to a mental health professional can be vital for keeping your mental health in check. The more control you exhibit over your own emotions, the better you’ll be able to support your partner’s recovery.
So, for any advice about managing your stress during this difficult process, please reach out to Blue Pearl Therapeutic for a FREE consultation. Your partner will be relieved to know that their loved one is still the same person they’ve always known, and hasn’t suffered irreversible emotional damage.