My Partner Doesn’t Do Enough Foreplay
Men and women tend to have different sexual needs. Two spouses could find pleasure from different sexual activities or have very different ideas of what constitutes “good” sex.
A common example of the former scenario is foreplay. Many women look to foreplay as a fun, sexually engaging predecessor to sex that can actually build their own self-confidence and change how they approach sex in general. Not to mention that without foreplay, it can be difficult for a woman to produce enough lubrication for vaginal penetration.
That’s why it can be so disappointing to learn that your husband or partner doesn’t seem to share your love of foreplay. Don’t worry, ladies. Your partner probably just needs a little more education – and information about you – to give you what you need in the bedroom.
The first step is understanding why so many men don’t seem to put as much emphasis on foreplay as you may want.
Why Men Skip Foreplay
A widespread stereotype about heterosexual men is that they are inherently lazy in the bedroom. They don’t engage in foreplay simply because it requires more effort.
As a board-certified sex and intimacy therapist, I’m here to tell you, this is probably not what’s going on with your partner. There’s a chance he is skipping foreplay because he doesn’t think he’s any good at it. In his eyes, it’s easier to stick to the “safe” stuff he’s familiar with, rather than possibly ruining the moment.
Some men skip foreplay because they’re afraid of losing their erection in the process. They rush into intercourse because they know it feels good and won’t endanger their erection.
Another possibility is that your lovey simply doesn’t know how much foreplay means to you. This brings us to the key to making any sexual desires a reality: communication.
Communicating Your Needs
If your partner doesn’t seem to get pleasure out of foreplay, it’s likely because he doesn’t know how good it makes you feel, and how important it is for your sexual experience.
In this case, it’s up to you to not only communicate how much you love foreplay, but also what good foreplay means to you. Your partner is not a mind-reader. He needs to know exactly what you want him to do, whether it’s touching, kissing, oral sex, even things that seem like “common sense.”
It’s also important to keep the conversation positive. Being so transparent about your sexual needs is a huge step forward in your relationship, and you’ll feel closer to them afterwards. This will make the sex that follows even more meaningful, now that this previously withheld desire is out in the open.
How Sex Therapy Can Help
If you and your partner have busy schedules, it can be difficult to find the time to discuss your sex life. Thankfully, that’s what sex and intimacy therapy is for. It’s much easier to talk about your innermost sexual desires when there’s no distractions or time constraints, and you have your partner’s full, undivided attention.
So, if you’re concerned about your partner’s ability to meet your sexual needs, let’s schedule a 15-minute consultation (it’s FREE) and put this uncomfortable but hugely important conversation on the books.