My Girlfriend is Reluctant to Have Sex Because She Was Raped Years Ago
As one of the most traumatic things a human being can possibly experience, sexual assault is extremely difficult to recover from.
Years can go by, and yet a single piece of stimuli like a smell, a word, or a sound can instantly remind your partner of the event, triggering a powerful emotional and/or physical response. When you try to be intimate with them, your partner may even display fear-based reactions to your physical touch like trembling, sweating, or even nausea. Gentle acts of affection that used to calm them down now seem to have the complete opposite effect.
Maybe your partner just hasn’t returned to their old self, and instead appears dissociated, anxious, or ashamed of their own body.
There’s no way around it: You have a very tough choice to make.
Are You Willing to Be Part of This Journey?
Everyone recovers from sexual assault at their own pace. There are plenty of actions you can take to aid your partner’s recovery, but there’s no guarantee that this will accelerate their ability to be intimate with you.
It’s also very important that you don’t pressure your partner into any sort of recovery-related treatment or technique. Yes, you can encourage your partner to reach out for help, but the final decision is ultimately up to them.
So, what can you do? You can decide whether or not you’re willing to continue this journey with your partner. If you do choose to stay in the relationship, you’ll most likely have to continue putting your own sexual needs aside to prioritize your partner’s recovery. This requires tremendous patience and selflessness.
How to Support Your Partner’s Recovery
In order to actively support your partner’s recovery, you have to be a predominantly positive force in their life. The more relaxed and optimistic you are, the easier your partner’s recovery will be. You don’t want your partner to feel that their assault has broken your spirit, or that their difficulties with intimacy are causing you to become emotionally withdrawn.
Instead of showing frustration or dissatisfaction, show your partner that you accept the level of intimacy you currently share, and that you’re okay with seeking permission to touch them, or expressing most of your affection through other means.
Your Mental Health Matters, Too
Your ability to stay calm and maintain a positive outlook throughout this process largely depends on how you choose to manage the heavy emotions inside of you. Since your partner might not be able to provide the level of emotional support you need, you have to make sure to take care of yourself. Your mental health deserves more attention than usual at this time, so do not hesitate to reach out to a professional.
If you need a safe space to express everything you’re feeling about your partner’s intimacy difficulties, talking to a sex and intimacy therapist can be very helpful. I can also help if your partner wants to be more intimate with you but is struggling to do so.
This is an uphill battle, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Schedule your free consultation with Blue Pearl Therapeutic and let’s talk.