How to Bring Intimacy Back into Your Relationship After Kids

Kids getting in the way of a sexy night with your spouse? You’re not alone. No matter the stage of life your kids are at – somehow, they find a way to put a damper on the flames between you and your lovey.

From newborns crying all night to kids crawling into your bed regularly and then teens never going to sleep at a decent hour for you to decompress and amp up the sensuality at home – there’s really no escaping them. 

And none of that considers the busy parenting schedules where you’re trying to balance cooking, cleaning, and schlepping kids to practice which leaves you exhausted and having no time or energy for intimacy. 

So, what is a couple to do? How can you find ways to build intimacy when those cute little carbon copies of yours are always around?

Schedule Sexy Time into Your Calendar

If you have been hoping and hoping for random acts of sexy time…you are lighting candles in hope that the sexy gods and goddesses will bestow spontaneous sex in your lives and it has been months or years, then at this point as a tool we should schedule it.

Do I want scheduled sex forever? No… But if what you are frustratedly waiting on is not happening… we must do something different that is more precise.

Go ahead and literally pencil it into your calendars. You get to spend the week looking forward to an evening together. Maybe you’ve booked a sitter – maybe you’ve finally got the grandparents to hold their weight and watch the kids. Maybe the kids are at a friend’s house or catching a movie. Whatever it is – schedule some alone time and start getting excited for the possibilities. 

Put a Lock on Your Bedroom Door

Worried about the kids barging in on you and so you avoid having sex until the wee hours of the night when you’re both exhausted? Give yourselves a little treat and add a lock onto your bedroom door if you don’t already have one.

Then, just lock the door and take some time to yourselves. It’s a sexy signal to your lovey when you out of the blue lock the door – and take some time to treat yourselves to each other. 

Intimacy doesn’t need a lot of time – but a lock goes a long way in keeping your time uninterrupted. 

Book Regular Date Nights

As parents, we have a tendency to fall into routines. Our kids’ routines at that. As a result, we forego our own needs and trade in date nights for at-home pizza nights instead. 

If you are one of the millions of couples who have not gone on regular dates in some time, let’s change that. 

Start small and feasible. Your schedules are your own but try and see if you can take at least one legit date night a month. If childcare is hard to come by, try e snagging alone time during the day and make it a lunch date or just plop the kids down for a movie in another room and have dinner just the two of you somewhere else in the house. 

Take time for yourselves. It goes a long way in building intimacy.