Getting Back to Sex After Baby

I have worked with many couples who struggle with having sex again after bringing a baby into their lives.

Babies are delectable, adorable and wonderful joys, but they do CHANGE our lives and our relationship with our partner.

If you are man, who is struggling with sex after your partner birthed a baby – you’re not alone. In fact, it’s more common than you may think. 

So, You Saw a Baby Come Out of Her Vagina

Some dads get to witness the miracle of life – as it happens. But the true gritty reality is seeing a baby come out of your partner’s vagina isn’t as beautiful as society may lead you believe. 

In fact, childbirth is one of the most gruesome experiences that a person can endure. And c-sections are not to be left out of this conversation, as they are often referred to as one the bloodiest surgeries due to the higher-than-average blood loss and high rate of complications. 

It is common for men to view their wives differently after childbirth. Where you previously may have only seen her body in a sensual light, now you have memories of trauma that linger. 

Why sex after baby isn’t so simple 

When a new mom asks her doctor when her body will be ready for sex again, the answer is usually six weeks. 

Anyone who has actually given birth – whether vaginally or via c-section – will tell you that just because the doctor gives the green light does not mean they are in any way ready. 

During the first year and a half after having a baby, her body is still in recovery from your pregnancy and childbirth. Between pumping, breastfeeding, and tending to another human’s needs 24/7 – it’s no wonder. 

The physical toll of this post-baby phase is grossly misrepresented. Lots of women don’t feel particularly sexy throughout this period because their body is still so out of whack. And that’s okay. 

It also doesn’t mean sex is out of the question, it simply means that as men – it’s important to be mindful of why her sex drive may be down during this timeframe.

How to build up your sex drive post-baby

If you want to build up your sex drive after having a baby, start small. Don’t get frustrated at yourself or your partner for not being back at your pre-baby sex drive levels quickly enough. Instead, focus on re-introducing passion and romance into your life so you and your partner can reconnect as a couple. 

This could be as simple as planning a date night, or just some time together without your baby. Can’t find a sitter? Take a bubble bath together once the baby is asleep or snuggle up in bed with a movie. 

You can take sex out of the equation but still work on building intimacy back up. Just touch each other in ways that feel intimate, and look at what parts of your partner’s body you find attractive. Just fantasizing about being with your partner again is major progress towards mind-blowing sex as new parents. 

If you’re concerned about your post-baby sex life, let’s connect. As a board-certified sex and intimacy therapist, I help new parents navigate all these post-baby changes so they can start feeling confident and sexual again. 

Schedule your FREE 15-minute consultation with me, and we’ll start developing a strategy for building up your sex drive, which is still alive and well – it’s just taking a little break, and that’s completely normal.