Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Time Together?
If you are looking for the short and sweet answer, then here ya’ go… YES! There is totally such as thing as too much time together. Depending on the people and health of the relationship. the “too much” part can vary drastically.
If ya’ll did not yet read my previous post where I mentioned the three sacred spaces – read that here. So, being that the first sacred space is couple’s time the second is… yes… individual time. We need to carve out “me” time; we need our time to nurture ourselves.
However, being that the first sacred space is couple’s times how much is enough or too much? Well let’s say you are a couple with great communication, great at giving each other room. Then you will be able to not only communicate and “gage” the amount of time you spend together quite well. You’re doing great. Thumbs up for you both.
Now, for the rest of us. If, in quarantine, we suck at managing conflict, talk to each other with criticism, feel each time our partner opens their mouth we feel we need to get ready to defend ourselves, talk down or belittle our partner, or shut them out physically/emotionally, well then this quarantine will be the end of us. Sex will go out the door, we will feel even more stress and despair. In fact, we can’t even see the good parts of our relationship, we don’t know why we are still with them, we are googling as fast as we can divorce attorneys and moving companies.
The sad truth is that the increase of divorces doubles from the regular rate during extreme stressor points. Examples include lost jobs, unwanted pregnancy, birth of a special needs child, poor extended family boundaries, and of course major natural disasters. Hi COVID-19! We can certainly categorize COVID-19 under natural disasters. These stressors exacerbate already weak points in a relationship.
So in the end, yes there is such a thing as too much time together, BUT the time together is not the real issue.
If you’re feeling stressed or triggered in your relationship during this self-isolation period, it is so important – nay VITAL – that you take time for yourself and for your relationship. Space is a valuable commodity these days – as is time. So, go on and find it. The good news is – it’s free and you don’t need a delivery service to get some. If you need to lock yourself in your bedroom for 30 minutes – do it (politely). But find your space and we’ll all get through this.
If you need extra support, give me a call.
As always,
Gabriela