How long have you been together? Six months? Two years? Heck, forty-five years? Everyday life can totally flatten the passion in our relationships.
So, what is everyday life? Work, gym, kids (if you have any), extended family, social events, and the dreaded word… familiarity. Yes. Nothing is really new anymore. You know each other, have had every conversation you can, tried every position, and frankly it’s the same old same old. Sucks…
Can there be passion in the familiar? In the expected? The norm? Yes, yes there can be. There is a “however” part to my yes. Yes, there can be passion in the familiar, however, we get to create the space and understanding that it will be unique from the past.
One of the main factors why we lose passion in our relationships is that we keep living in the past. “Remember how we used to have sex like rabbits in college?” or “We use to do it in every room when we moved in together,” and “Before kids my spouse looked for me, wanted me, and enjoyed sex.” I have heard these statements and many more just like them.
But as much as we do still get to smile about our past, we need to give our present a chance.
Think for a second about other areas of your life that you breathe new life into. You change up your workout routine. Vacation to new places. Redecorate your house. Stopping the gym, vacationing to the same place every year, and never repainting the house would really take the flavor out of life. So, we invest time and creativity into these areas of our life. I am basically saying the same goes for passion in our relationship.
We get to invest time and creativity. Change how we date, or actually start going on dates, change the conversations to be more challenging or deeper in meaning. Start to look for each other physically if we have stopped, or put new twists to old favorites. Heck, go to your local sex shop and look at new toys and lubes.
In the end, a fire does not die if we continue to feed it oxygen and wood. The same goes for passion.