Frustrated That Your Partner Can’t Get it Up? It’s Not Always About You
If your partner is having trouble achieving or maintaining an erection, it may be easy to assume it’s your fault. After all, you’re in a committed relationship, so the only sexual partners you and your partner have are each other. Who else could be at fault beside you? There is a certain logic to thinking that you must be doing something wrong, or your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore…but odds are neither of these are true. In fact, your partner’s erectile issues likely have nothing to do with you at all.
What Causes Erectile Dysfunction?
Symptoms of erectile dysfunction (ED) can arise from a huge range of issues. To group these issues into two categories, ED is usually diagnosed as either organic or non-organic ED.
Organic ED is caused by a medical issue, like a health condition or the side effect of a medication. Is your partner experiencing any health issues outside of their erectile problems? Did they recently begin taking a new medication? Both may be worth exploring before looking into other possible causes. Since organic ED is biological, it can usually be treated with medication.
Non-organic ED, on the other hand, is caused by a psychological or emotional issue, like stress, anxiety, or depression. Unfortunately, mental health problems are extremely common in young males these days. Stress naturally accumulates with age, and the pressures of modern adult life are a surefire recipe for anxiety. Sometimes, we are so used to being stressed or anxious that we don’t acknowledge it, even though it’s building up inside of us and affecting multiple aspects of life.
How to Talk to Your Partner About ED
It’s not easy to talk about erectile issues, but communication is a massive step forward in your partner’s recovery. This is an important conversation, so you should have it when both partners are in a calm, neutral mindset. Your partner will probably get defensive if you try to talk about their erectile issues right after another uncomfortable moment in bed.
Finding the right moment always needs to be done on a case-by-case basis. For some people, scheduling the conversation allows both partners to feel prepared, since being caught off-guard tends to trigger intense emotional reactions works really well. For others, that would just induce anxiety. You know your partner best, so find a time when you both would be in the right mental state to have the conversation.
On that note, you can keep the conversation positive by reminding your partner that you’re doing this because you truly care about them. You can also tell your partner that if their sexual needs have changed for any reason, you are more than happy to accommodate them. Your partner will likely relax once they see that you are clearly committed to finding a solution, rather than just giving up and saying, “Well, it is what it is.”
How Counseling Can Help
If you’re having trouble broaching this sensitive topic with your partner, counseling can be very helpful. It gives your partner a safe, judgment-free space to open up about their condition and express all the emotions that come with it. Counseling (normally in separate sessions) also gives you the opportunity to talk about how your partner’s condition is affecting you, without feeling guilty for taking the attention off your partner.
As a board-certified sex and intimacy therapist, I can get to the root of your partner’s ED and build an individualized plan for keeping your sex life alive and well. Contact me at Blue Pearl Therapeutic for your free 15-minute consultation. Overcoming ED can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone.