Does Quality of a Relationship Affect Sex?

February 15, 2016 

One of the great things about this time of year and living in Miami is the sunshine with a cool breeze… I get to open up my window and let the sun and breeze flow right in. It’s invigorating and makes me feel alive with energy. Feeling this overflow of energy can branch out into other areas of a person’s life. This got me to thinking about the quality of one part of our lives and how it can leak into other parts. Can the quality of a relationship affect sex? Well the answer may not be obvious or transparent. There can be several variables that can affect sex.

Variables can range from physical health, medication, recent birth, children and so on… today we will just focus on the quality of the relationship itself and how it can affect sex. So, when I say the word RELATIONSHIP what I am referring to is your interpersonal relationship. The connection and attachment you have with your lover (spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend all fall under lover). There are many components to an interpersonal relationship. Some of the big ones include communication, feelings of respect, feelings of inclusion, sexual gratification, and attachment. Basically, you want to know and feel that you lover ALWAYS has your back and enriches every part of your life.

When things like resentment, feelings of not being heard or understood, feeling of not being included or “oneness” start to creep in and libido can start to leave the room. We also have the needs of everyday living that at times take a front stage and leaves the lover on the side. This increases drastically when we have children. Our libido can be the biological desire for sex or it can also be the emotional desire for sex. It can be one in the same or independent all on their own.

So, when the quality of the relationship is affected sex can also take a hit. Frequency starts to decrease and other forms of sexual gratification can start to replace the times of physical contact. This does not happen over night, but over time. One or both individuals can focus their sexual desires inward with self-gratification, porn, and other people that fill the sexual side of them in some shape or form. Over time this increases and sexual interaction within the couple decreases.

If you noticed some of these red flags on Valentines Day, not all is lost. Making the point to openly talk with your lover about the quality of your relationship and sexual relationship can open the doors to either avoid this or to start to dig your way out. The key is to be OPEN to the conversation. That means to take all information as positive rather than a personal attack. It can be hard to hear a complaint about intimacy, but hearing your lover and taking active steps to honor their concern can result in a lifetime of love, passion, connection, and desire.

As always I hope I have inspired you to connect with your sensuality…


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