Are You Constantly Giving Your Partner What They Want in Bed, Ignoring Your Own Needs?
Some people are givers. Nothing pleases them more than making other people happy, especially when it comes to sex. However, being selfless in bed can come with a cost.
Throughout my career as a board-certified sex therapist, I’ve met lots of people who are so dedicated to pleasing their partner that they unknowingly let their own needs go ignored. Sometimes, they forget they even have their own needs altogether.
“But Gabriela, I don’t feel sexually frustrated or unfulfilled at all,” you might say. Well, have you ever considered how your sexual selflessness could be affecting your partner’s desire to please you, as well?
Why You Shouldn’t Ignore Your Own Needs
It’s important to have balance in a sexual relationship. Both partners should feel that their sexual needs are being met. If you’re extremely generous in bed, you have no reason to believe your partner’s needs aren’t being met, right?
Here’s the thing: Your partner clearly enjoys the way you please them. But they might also enjoy pleasing you, too.
By focusing exclusively on pleasing your partner, you may be inadvertently stopping them from getting their own pleasure out of pleasing you.
Think about it: You get so much pleasure out of pleasing your partner, so you know how good it feels. Don’t you want your partner to experience this same feeling? You might not know it, but your partner may be dying for the satisfaction of knowing they are just as good in bed as you.
Share Your Needs with Your Partner
A big step towards bringing your more balance to your sex life is talking to your partner about their needs. This is your opportunity to ask them how they’d prefer to please you, or specific activities they’ve been wanting to try. It’s also your chance to tell them how you’d like to be pleased.
For natural born givers, this can be a difficult question to answer.
At first, you might go back to your previous mentality of, “I don’t need to be pleased, I’d rather please my partner.” Well, letting your partner please you makes your partner feel good, too. So, this is really just another way of making your partner happy, like you always have.
How Sex Therapy Helps Create Balance
If you’re having trouble talking to your partner about their sexual needs, visiting a board-certified sex therapist could be very helpful. Sex therapy provides a safe, neutral space where you can voice concerns about your sex life and deepen your understanding of what makes each partner feel good. Your partner might just need to know they won’t be judged in order to express what they really want from you.
For more help establishing balance in your sex life, contact me at Blue Pearl Therapeutic today and schedule a free consultation.