Good morning everyone! April is really bringing in the warm air and sunshine! Just take a moment, stand outside, and let the skin of your face take it all in. Ahhh… ok… come back to me now. So, I am completely aware that it has been a minute since I last posted on this most awesome blog of mine. My deepest apologies. It wasn’t for lack of desire. More the fact that awesome things have been happening and so I had the joy of taking it all in. That being said. I’m here and I’m totally excited to talk more about sex.
So many of you, I am sure (or maybe not, totally ok if not) have heard of the whole mindfulness concept. Mindfulness, at least in my world, is a way of paying attention. Now I’m not talking about just sitting there and just “taking it all in” type of paying attention. I’m talking about “paying attention on purpose, in the moment,” all while feeling your presence and the presence of a loved one. This type of mindfulness is nonjudgmental. Why? Cause it’s darn hard to be open when the potential of being judged about our most intimate parts of ourselves. It sucks to feel that way. So hence we need safety and no judgment.
If you remember way back when on February 1, 2016 I wrote about “3 Purposes of Sex,” Procreation, Fulfillment, and Deeper Reality. Today, I want you to keep in mind the fulfillment part. When couples land in my office it’s almost a guarantee that one or both is feeling unfulfilled sexually or emotionally in their relationship. Sometimes its frequency of intercourse, lack of emotional connection, or they are just plain board of the same old, same old. It happens. So how can we change this? Well the only way we can start is if we get really real, about being real, about our real selves. Short version… being mindful about the 3 Ways of Sex.
There are 3 basic spheres that have to exist in order for long term sexual fulfillment can maintain itself. They are Physical, Spiritual, and Erotic. These all live independently from each other as well as interconnected. Just like a trusty venn diagram.
The first one, Physical, is all about touch. That includes intercourse, outercourse, hugging, kissing, you get the picture. The second one, Spiritual, is all things that emotionally connect me to this person. Lets say its the “warm fuzzies” that we feel for our lovey. The last sphere is Erotic, which holds the concept of growing and changing. Basically meaning changing it up and experimenting.
So the trick to fulfillment in a long term sex life is not only to be really really real (mindful) about your needs, wants, and desires in these three spheres. We need to be able to communicate them with our lovey, as well as, hear theirs with no judgement in a safe space. Mindfulness.
Tapping in to our true needs, wants, and desires in these 3 spheres with a mindful approach. Together, as a couples, reaching fulfillment in long term sex lives is not only a complete reality. It creates a sexual experience that is uniquely connecting that survives the twists and turns in life.
As always, I hope I have inspired you to connect with your sensuality.