Aahhh sex… such fun and then BOOM! Nine months later there is a baby. So, I’m going to give it to you straight. Having a child can affect your sex life. It does. Some couples manage and come out of the change with minor scrapes. Others well…deep resentment, infidelity, separation, or divorce. That was a mouthful. It can be more difficult if the couple went through a complicated delivery, infertility treatments, or welcomed a special needs child.
What can a couple do? Well, as a couple you get to be realistic, understand real expectations, and see a timeline. You’ll do this with a straight forward healthy pregnancy with no physical complications. You get nine months of pregnancy where you may stop having sex the last two to three months because of a big belly or being genuinely uncomfortable. Then, you face post-birth recovery…two months. Then, there is figuring out the whole baby-not-sleeping, we are tired, and life is hell… another two months. Mom is still not feeling herself, trying to get back to her shape, maybe breast feeding, not feeling her body is her own, tapped out on touch… another year to fourteen months.
The math tells us we are looking at 21 months or so for sex to resemble some type of regularity and not such a struggle to make happen. Much longer for complicated births, fertility issues, and special needs births. I’m not saying there is no sex happening within those 21 months. I’m saying it can take that long for sex to come with SOME regularity and consistency.
Now a strange phenomenon happens around 18 months after the birth of a first child. Someone wants a second! Then sex starts to ramp up again… and you are living the good life… then BOOM! The calendar starts all over again but now we have a toddler that still zaps our energy.
This is not all doom and gloom. Trust me. Knowing this timeline gives us knowledge and power. We get to think ahead, be present in the moment, AND be aware to not forget or leave this part of our life only to chance. We get to communicate as a couple and help meet each other’s needs within this context. We get to think outside the box and make room, initiate, think about, and keep sex in our relationship when we move from two to three… or four kids.