
My 12-Year-Old is Starting to Masturbate: How Do I Talk to Him About It?
It’s that conversation every parent dreads. No, not the infamous “talk” about the birds and the bees. For many parents, explaining sexual intercourse is nowhere near as awkward as talking to their children about masturbation.
But if your pre-teen is starting to masturbate, it’s important to make sure they know this is something that’s done in private. You also want to let them know they can come to you with any questions, and that this is a safe, natural act that shouldn’t bring them any physical harm.
The only problem is, you have no idea how to possibly bring up this topic without making your child feel embarrassed or even ashamed.
Y’all, there is a way to talk about masturbation that minimizes the likelihood of a negative reaction in kids. You just have to remember that this is supposed to be a positive experience, and that’s the kind of attitude that should guide the conversation.
What to Keep in Mind Before the Talk
As uncomfortable as you may be, it’s best to maintain a light, gentle tone when talking about masturbation with your tween. Drawing excessive attention to any sensory behavior – like nail biting, for example – creates anxiety around it. So, you don’t want to use any charged words or make your child feel afraid by focusing on what they shouldn’t do.
Instead, try to use the kind of casual language your kid is already comfortable with while keeping a positive tone. Humor and levity can be your friends when talking about masturbation.
This will also normalize the experience and make your child feel more in control of their sexuality, even though they now know this is something that should be happening in the privacy of the bedroom or bathroom – rather than in public places.
What if You Catch Them in the Act
If you catch your tween masturbating, take the same approach as the initial conversation: play it cool.
A simple “whoops” or “excuse me” before walking away should cover your bases. If you invaded their privacy (i.e. walked into their room without knocking), you may consider apologizing later on.
If your child continuously shuts down or becomes emotionally hostile when you try to discuss masturbation with them, a therapist specializing in sexual health can help. Some people have a hard time opening up about uncomfortable topics until they know they are in an environment that’s free of judgment or shame. Let’s schedule a free 15-minute consult today and discuss how we can educate your child about their changing body.