Is Your Partner Having an Affair or Is He Really Just “Too Tired”

Infidelity can really damage you. But suspected infidelity can be harmful too. 

The questioning, the suspicions, the gaslighting. It can all be too much. 

If you think your partner is having an affair or if you think something’s just *off* — here’s what you should look out for.

5 possible signs of infidelity

1. They become emotionally distant

A sudden shift in your partner’s emotional behavior could be a possible sign of infidelity. We all go through periods where we’re distant or inattentive, so this depends more on your understanding of your partner’s behavior. But if your partner doesn’t feel emotionally fulfilled, that could be a sign that they’re seeking that fulfillment elsewhere.

2. Changes in sexual behavior

Sudden changes in your partner’s sexual relationship could be another sign of infidelity. Like:

• A partner who once had a high sex drive but is no longer interested in sex with you
• A partner who hasn’t normally had a high sex drive but is suddenly inspired to try new things

3. They’re being more discreet

Partners having affairs may suddenly become more vague about what they’re doing or where they’re going. For example, they might give vague answers about who they’re messaging or hanging out with or hiding their screens when you’re around. 

A more dramatic example might be that your partner is hiding their financial statements from you. Frequent cash withdrawals or new payment method setups could point to a side piece of some sort.

4. Major changes in routine

Major changes can include things like more “work events” or a sudden and immediate interest in going to the gym. People tend to be creatures of habit. And while a sudden interest in the gym or new fashion may not be an immediate red flag, doing these things without at least communicating with you could absolutely be a red flag.

5. Projection

An unfaithful partner may start projecting their actions onto you. This is a defense mechanism when a person feels attacked or accused of something. They may start accusing you of being detached or even having an affair to distract from their own infidelity. 

What to do if you think your spouse is cheating

Identify your feelings

If you suspect your partner is cheating, you should take some time for yourself and focus on your emotions. Such a betrayal can activate our fight-or-flight system, making it difficult to self regulate our emotional responses. By identifying your emotions, you give yourself a better chance to wade through the uncomfortable conversations that’ll need to come up. 

Talk to your partner about your feelings

Before you throw out any accusations, however, you should give your partner a chance to explain themselves. That is, of course, if you have any doubts about what’s been going on. 

Write down your emotions and start the conversation from a place of curiosity. This gives you an opportunity to learn about what’s going on.

Focus on facts

When it comes to your partner’s behavior, try to name them as facts. Instead of accusing them outright, try asking, “when I ask you who you’re hanging out with, you don’t give me a name. Why is that?” This allows a much safer space to learn about your partner’s actions and may even invite them to tell you the truth.

Decide whether you want to work it out

You wouldn’t be the first person to freak out if you found out your partner was having an affair. That’s a very norma reaction. Let yourself feel your emotions. But once the discussion is over, you’ll have to decide if the relationship is something you’ll want to keep working on.

If you find yourself in a space where you need an objective perspective, get in touch with us today.

We want to provide the space needed for healing, accountability and growth.

You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be.

Gabriela.