Infidelity After Baby
Having a baby is a joy. Little ones come with so many suprises. Many of us see pictures of babies with the cute cheeks, big eyes, and we just melt. We are told by family and friends all kinds of things about having babies, some great some not so great. What many friends and doctors don’t share is how babies affect sex and intimacy.
The first year we bring baby home can be one of the biggest challenges on a couples sex life and intimate connection. There is very little talk and material out there about this subject making couples vulnerable to one person going outside the relationship. Statistically, the person who steps out is the father. During this first year after the birth of a first child, first time unfailthfull partners step out of the relationship 82% of the time. That is a high number. So what does this mean? What it means is of all males who have cheated on their loved one; the first time it happens is between the 3rd and 10th month after baby is born.
Why is this so?? Well… Women are taught in our society that once baby is born all of their attention and number one priority is baby (now I am not trying to place blame on Moms, we always have a choice not to step out of a relationship).
This infact is not the case. Now, I’m not referring to neglecting basic care such as food, clothing, affection and care of a baby. What I am talking about is all the things a parent would want for their baby such as love, security, confidence, healthy relationships, finacial and educational resources are going to come from the union of its parents. So when baby comes home the first priority is still the relationship between the parents. This is very important to know and difficult for many Moms to hear. With 82% of first time infidelity happening within the first year of babies life, for 48% of men the main reason as to why they stepped out of their retationship was emotional dissatisfaction and not so much the lack of sex, although for a few sex was still the main factor. Many men expressed the emotional dissatisfaction as not being appreciated, not feeling they are being thought of, and being seen as just a provider rather than a partner. Fathers state that they turn into the “go getters.” Who are the “go getters?” They are the ones who “go get” the diaper bag, “go get” some more wipes at the store, “go get” the bouncer and put it in the car. A big change from before baby was born.
If you as a couple are pregnant or just brought baby home there are thngs you can do to keep your union a priority. Communication is key, get a great sitter so you continue to date at least every other week, and making sure you continue to show appreciation and affection. You can go from couple, to new parents, back to a couple with a new baby.
Be well!
Gabriela
If you are in the miami area you can register for Blue Pearl Therapeutic Sex After Baby Groups catered to couples, women, and men. Couples therapy as well as individual private sessions are also availiable. Workshops and semenars are held throughout the year on topics of sex, intimacy, and relationships