How to Have Great Sex with a Trans or Non-Binary Person

You’re attracted to a transgender or non-binary person, but you are out of your depth on what to expect for your first sexual encounter. Hey, you are absolutely not alone. 

You’d be surprised how many people find themselves in this sort of sexual conundrum these days, especially since queer and transgender sex is not a main topic in sex-ed.  

The truth is, having sex with a transgender or non-binary person isn’t really that different from having sex with a cisgender person. Odds are, it won’t be long before you’ll be having ah-mazing sex with your new partner. 

If you want to get to that point as soon as possible (and who doesn’t?), here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re getting physical with your trans or non-binary lovey.

Communication is Key

Just like anyone else, you don’t want to make assumptions about your partner’s sexual preferences. There are no set rules (aside from consent!) for how to have sex with a transgender or non-binary person, as everyone has their own needs, desires, turn-ons and turn-offs. 

So, how do you know what makes your partner feel good? With open communication, of course, which is crucial for any successful sexual relationship.

I know that for most of us, talking about sex, even with our partners was viewed as a kind of taboo. But the reality is, talking about sex and our desires doesn’t need to feel uncomfortable or awkward. In fact, it’s the kind of conversation everyone should have when they’re starting to get intimate with a new partner. Bonus points: it can even be a turn-on to talk the talk with your lovey especially when you find the language that aligns with your partner’s authentic self. 

Starting the Conversation 

Transgender and non-binary folk often deal with body dysmorphia, and this can often come into play in the bedroom. Body dysmorphia impacts cisgender people differently than it does the trans community.  Body dysmorphia should not be ignored or disregarded, and yet most times it can be something someone will shy away from discussing openly, even with someone they love and trust.

In other words, it’s not fair to expect your partner to just outwardly announce their preferences or needs when it comes to sex. Sometimes it might be easier for them if you initiate the conversation and ask them about it first. You can start by asking your partner how they like and don’t like to be touched, what they could be open to and don’t shy away from asking what language they would rather use, perhaps even some dirty nicknames that they enjoy being called.  

Sex is a time when we are all at our most vulnerable and just starting the conversation can take a big load off from something your partner might find difficult to open up about. 

Do Your Research

If you’ve never been intimate with a transgender or non-binary person before, you might have questions. Your partner may have had gender-affirming surgeries or plans to and may be using hormone replacement therapy or taking hormone blockers. 

It’s always important to learn more about what your partner’s medical history or current health needs might be. Doing your research and enabling open communication will give you a better understanding of your partner’s positioning – both physically and emotionally. 

Maintaining a sexual relationship while your partner is undergoing gender re-assignment surgery has its complexities, but it’s entirely doable after their recovery period. With sex and intimacy therapy, you and your partner can learn new ways to continue pleasing each other, ensuring that neither partner feels neglected. 

If you are having any difficulties being intimate or looking to increase sex in your relationship, schedule your free consultation today.