Having Sex for the First Time in a LGBTQIA+ Relationship

Having Sex for the First Time in a LGBTQIA+ Relationship

So tell me all about it! How did y’all meet? Was it in a crowded room – and as you looked passed the crowd your eyes became fixed? Trapped by the warmth of a pair of honey-colored eyes. You stopped breathing for what seamed like… forever… before you realized that those eyes were coming… closer… to… you.

I bet I could curl up on the sofa and just listen to the story with a cup of warm tea. Meeting your love can be magical or…not so much. Regardless of how you met or where you are in the relationship – there’s the looming thought of expressing yourself physically. Maybe you are a few hours, days, weeks, months, years into the relationship. Whatever the time frame is – you both have decided to move forward sexually. To get physical. TO HAVE SEX. 

Great! But what if this is your first time having sex as a LGBTQIA+ person. Doesn’t matter if you have never been physically intimate before in your past or if this is you 100,000,000,000 time becoming physically intimate. This is your first time in a LGBTQIA+ sexual relationship.

Rule #1. Protection… protection… protection! Regardless with whom we are going to get physical with we always get to use barriers to not only protect ourselves, but to protect the other person/s as well. It’s not just good manners my loves.

It’s completely expected to be nervous. For many that feeling is fun to have. Nervousness in anticipation of a new sexual experience. What I would not want to have happen is to allow that nervousness to prevent us from communicating what we would like from the experience. If we don’t communicate we are not speaking up for ourselves, our experience, and in essence we are handing over our experience to the other person. This may be easier to do in a relationship where we have gotten to know each other, built trust, and vulnerability. However, we can still communicate if we have been with each other only for a few hours. 

Identify what your limits are and how far you want to go. This is very important. It’s important to communicate these limits prior to sex and during sex. If we have identified these things beforehand, it can make talking to our partner during sex easier. We will not be “fishing” for what to say, or feel that we can’t say much cause we just are not sure right at the moment. 

Monitor your expectations. If you put a high bar as how the experience should go, it can negatively impact the evening in a myriad of ways. The truth is, what you expect may or may not happen. Expectations can lead to a big let down and take away from a moment that should be enjoyable.

Invest in some lube. Nervousness, a body that has transitioned, or just for overall ease of comfort can all affect how your body will physically react to excitement. Lube can help the physical experience not be painful. When I say painful, I mean the not so great pain from friction. There is also no shame in lube. Lube doesn’t mean I am not into the person. It just can help things to feel nice.

Lastly, remember you get decide when and with whom you get to share this experience with. So take the time to define if for yourself. You deserve it.

As always,


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