Getting Your Sex Drive Back After Baby
It takes six weeks, the doctors say, for a woman to heal enough after having a baby for her to return to her normal sex life. The problem with that ‘prescription’ is that after having a baby, nothing really returns to ‘normal.’
As any person who has given birth, whether vaginally or via c-section, will tell you – it takes a lot longer than six weeks to feel like you are back to your normal self. Your body has been through the proverbial ringer. There’s the weight gain, hip and bone structure changes, possible pelvic floor disorders, breastfeeding and/or pumping demands, and of course, there’s the new baby.
For the first year and a half after having a baby, you may not feel like your body is your own. And in fact, most women do not feel particularly sexy during this phase of life. They are understandably exhausted after tending to another human’s needs throughout the day and night. So, when the baby is finally asleep and there’s a spare moment of peace to shower or slump into bed – it can be daunting when your partner is eagerly seeking your sexual attention and you realize that you just don’t have any interest.
Is Your Sex Drive Truly Lost or Are You Just in a Lull?
If we’ve learned anything from the movies it’s that if Stella could get her groove back, so can you. Many couples struggle to find a balance when it comes to their sexy time after having a baby – and this can last through the toddler stage, so don’t freak out if your tot is walking and talking and you’re still feeling like that groove of yours is lost. In fact, there’s evidence that suggests many women take up to 18 months before they find sex pleasurable again after giving birth. That’s not to say, you have to just wait it out and avoid sex altogether until it is tickling your fancy, so to speak.
A healthy sex life in any relationship takes effort. Despite what we may have been told by society, sex is not something that comes easily (pun intended).
Desire needs to be stoked, fed, and given ample oxygen in order to keep burning. And both parties need to show desire and feel desired.
How to Rev Up Your Sex Drive
So, what can you do if you’re experiencing a low libido after baby? Start small. Take the pressure off yourself to be back to your pre-baby sex drive levels and focus on small intimate gestures you can do to start to regain control of your self-confidence both in regard to your body as well as in your relationship.
Find ways to reconnect as a couple. Plan an intimate date night or moment together without baby. If you can’t get a sitter, make a plan to take a bubble bath together once the baby is asleep. Snuggle in bed together, without the tv or other distractions. Focus on touching one another in ways that feels intimate, whether holding hands or small erotic touches that may or may not lead to sex.
Look at what parts of your partner’s body you find physically attractive and allow yourself to fantasize about being with them again. Our minds are more powerful than we know.
If you’re concerned and want to talk to a professional, let’s set a time for a 15-minute consult. It’s absolutely free and we can create a strategy to get you feeling confident and sexual again. I offer virtual sessions in both Texas and Florida, for couples who are looking to get their sex lives back after having a baby. Why wait? Let’s get started today with a free initial session.
Gabriela