Are You Putting Too Much Pressure on Your Sex Life?

You don’t have to be a sex and intimacy therapist to know that lots of people have unrealistic expectations for their sex lives. Maybe it’s because of what they’ve seen on TV or in the movies. Maybe it’s because they’ve watched a little too much porn. 

Because of external influences like this, people develop their own definitions for what’s considered a healthy or “normal” sex life. They set unrealistic standards, pressuring themselves – and their partners – to live up to them. 

Y’all, pressure and sex do not go well together. Pressure doesn’t make you “rise” to the occasion. It makes you crumble. If that’s what’s been happening to you in the bedroom, pressure and unrealistic expectations may be the culprit. 

The Danger of Sex-pectations 

It’s perfectly fine to have goals or aspirations about your sex life. Expectations, on the other hand, are a different story, as they can interfere with your ability to enjoy the present moment. This is what allows people to have mind-blowing sex: being able to focus entirely on what’s happening right now. 

Expectations naturally create pressure. You might feel pressured to have sex a certain way, or to engage in more adventurous positions. You might feel pressured to feel a certain degree of pleasure, or to have an orgasm in a certain period of time. 

The point is, you have an idea in your head of how sex should play out. Instead of embracing what’s in front of you, you’re trying to make your expectation come true. 

When reality doesn’t live up to your expectations, it can take a lot of pleasure out of sex, and even inhibit performance. 

Signs You’re Putting Too Much Pressure on Your Sex Life

A tell-tale sign that you’re putting too much pressure on your sex life is difficulty enjoying sex. If you’re having sex fairly regularly but not getting the satisfaction you’re desiring, it could be because the sex you’re having isn’t living up to your expectations. Your partner isn’t behaving the way you’d like them to behave, you’re not getting the sensations you expected, etc. 

Here are a few other signs that pressure is interfering with your sexual experiences:

• Prioritizing your own needs above your partner’s

• Struggling to get or maintain an erection

• Hyper-awareness of your own body and movements during sex

• Thinking about sex too frequently, even in the company of a partner, friend or family member

Changing Your Perception of Sex

Sometimes, we are the cause of our own sexual difficulties. We get in our own way and stop ourselves from experiencing pleasure. 

The good news is expectations aren’t permanent. You can change your perception of sex, and that’s what sex and intimacy therapy is for. A big part of my job is helping people get out of their head and into the present moment so they can embrace the beauty in front of them. 

So, if you want to free yourself of unrealistic sex-pectations, let’s set up a FREE consultation today. It’s not too late to see what you’ve been missing in bed.