Herpes Positive: How to Date After Getting Your STD Results

If you’ve been diagnosed with genital herpes, it’s imperative that you disclose your diagnosis to anyone you plan on becoming intimate with.

It’s normal to worry about being judged when you disclose your diagnosis, because that’s exactly what some people may do. But when you approach the conversation with the right mindset – and don’t wait to long — most will be compassionate, supportive and understanding. 

When to Break the News

If you’ve just begun dating someone, you should tell them about your herpes diagnosis before you have sex. This gives them the chance to make an informed decision about which health risks they are – and aren’t – comfortable taking. 

Being upfront about your diagnosis also establishes that you genuinely care about this person and their health. Your revelation is an act of respect, and it shows that you are committed to having an honest relationship with open communication. 

In terms of location, it’s recommended to broach this difficult subject in a relaxing setting, with little if any distractions. A quiet dinner or a walk in the park is a better choice than, say, a bowling alley or a crowded bar. 

Preparing for the Conversation

Your partner will likely have several questions about your diagnosis, so it’s wise to prepare for this conversation by doing your research. For example, if your partner asks how common genital herpes is, you can tell them it affects 12% of Americans ages 14 to 49. You can even tell them they probably know someone else who has it. 

Your partner will also ask about your symptoms, and you should absolutely be honest about your most recent outbreak. However, your partner may be somewhat relieved to learn that many patients get symptoms so mild they don’t even notice them. 

How to Bring it Up

It’s recommended to let the topic come up naturally, rather than planning a date around it (e.g. “Can we meet? There’s something I need to talk to you about”). 

Instead, you might consider saying something like, “By the way, my doctor called me yesterday with some test results, and he said I have the virus that causes genital herpes.”

Be wary of starting the conversation by asking your partner if they have any STDs. While this is an appropriate thing to ask someone you’ve never been intimate with, starting on that point is going to put them on the defensive, and that limits the level of open communication. 

What to Expect in Response

It’s possible your partner might react negatively, no matter how well you deliver the news. Since this is a natural reaction, don’t get defensive. Give them all the time they need to think it over on their own and decide what they want to do. If the relationship is off to a great start, your partner might be willing to accept that this is just one of countless challenges you’ll have to overcome together. 

Dating after a herpes diagnosis is not easy and the stress can do a real number on your mental health. Sex and intimacy therapy gives you a safe space to practice talking about your diagnosis with other people, and to express all the emotions and intimacy-related fears that come with it. 

So, if you’ve been diagnosed with genital herpes and are concerned about preserving your sex life, please contact Blue Pearl Therapeutic for a FREE consultation.