How to be Present During Sex
Anxiety is an extremely common cause of erectile issues, especially in younger men. If you fail to perform sexually – even just once- it’s only natural to fear the same thing happening again, because it affected you so deeply. That’s what anxiety is in a nutshell: fear of something bad happening.
When you’re so focused on what could happen, you stop paying attention to what’s actually happening in front of you. Even worse, you can’t even feel the touch of your partner’s body. Your partner’s words don’t resonate because all you’re hearing is what’s inside your head.
One of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety-induced ED is presence. Instead of thinking about the future, you are entirely focused on right now, and the palpable connection between you and your partner.
It’s Not About the End Result
Modern culture revolves around instant gratification. People want to feel good as quickly as possible, and then move on to something else. Unfortunately, this mentality has spread to the bedroom, too. Many people are under the impression that sex is all about having an orgasm, or the end result. Yes, orgasms feel amazing, but they aren’t the most important part of sex.
As cliche as it sounds, sex is about the journey, not the destination. The key to being present during sex is de-emphasizing the end result. In fact, this could be what’s triggering your anxiety. If you prioritize the end result, it becomes the center of your focus, instead of what’s happening right now.
When you’re 100% focused on the present moment, the act of sex can be just as pleasurable – if not even more pleasurable – than the most powerful climax. But this can only happen if you take the end result out of your mind when you’re being sexual with your partner.
How to Live in the Moment
Taking your mind off the future can be difficult, but it commonly is easier than it seems. Start by focusing on small details, like objects in the room. You can also focus on specific characteristics of your partner, like the color of their eyes or how it feels to hold their hand. Can you hear your partner breathing in and out? If you were thinking about getting an erection or having an orgasm, you wouldn’t be conscious of these beautiful details.
Focusing on your immediate environment reminds you how comfortable you are in it. You begin to feel safe, loved, and full of positive energy, not nervous or anxious. Suddenly, all you’re thinking about is sharing these wonderful feelings with your partner.
If you or your partner are having trouble being present during sex, talking to a board-certified sex therapist can be very helpful. I specialize in helping couples overcome mental barriers so they can lose themselves in their connection and make sex more gratifying for both partners.
Contact Blue Pearl Therapeutic and schedule your FREE consultation today.