When Overconsumption Online Affects Your Ability to Be Present in Your Relationships
There is so much going on today in the news. We have the Covid-19 pandemic with its daily updates on infections, deaths, and what possible predictions we can make if any. We also have Black Lives Matter with demonstrations, spot light focus on the overuse of force by police, and the continued marginalization of the Black community. Lastly, the upcoming presidential elations in November, and how each party is positioning themselves to come out on top. I’m not gonna lie. It’s a lot. It’s a lot of very important information that we get to be aware of. But when is the focus so much that it affects our relationship(s)? Where do we draw the line?
Many of us are still quarantining or partial quarantining (staying home 75% more than we use to with some unnecessary outings) which gives us plenty of time to watch TV, stream TV, or read online what is happening in the world around us. It’s easy to slowly increase our online consumption over time as we are still out of sync with our normal routine. We are not dating as much, working from home we see each other ALL THE TIME, so its easy to become less present in our relationship when we are physically around each other more than ever.
So, where is the line? When our love one makes statements of “can we talk about something else” or “we are always talking about…” or we see that Friday after Friday or weekend after weekend we have not done a date. We are on the sofa watching the news or reading it online. When we feel there is really nothing else to talk about or say to our loved one. Our mood has changed because of the emotion we are feeling from everything we are following. Those are examples of the line near or just crossed over.
We get to change the game. Not going out much? No problem… Feel like there is nothing to talk about? No problem…Frustrated or upset about what is happening? No problem…
DATE!
We still get to date. Wether its Friday night or Saturday night and we are not going out we can “go-out-in.” Go to Hawaii, go to Mexico, Go to the Bahamas… just in your patio. Pick a theme, dress up for it, find some recipes online, decorate, and play some hits from those areas. Get yourself glammed up for your lovie and dance on your patio. Who cares if it feels silly! Who cares if its a bit of work! It’s for you two! Put on some leis, make a Hawaiian drink, put some pineapple on the grill. Pull out the Ukulele and share some laughs. Heck you can google some fun facts about Hawaii to learn and chat about. Did you know you can mail a coconut from the island?!
At a loss for words? Get out the game board! Google 100 questions to ask your lovie! Get out the photo album from middle school and high school and share how lame or hip you were. P.S. I was in marching band… yes… I was a nerd… #nerdsarecool #loveanerd #nerdsaresexytoo.
If you’re the partner who has been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders as a results of all the stuff going on? Limit it your exposure to one hour a day. I know… but you can do it. Then add a walk with your lovie. Get in some uninterrupted sensual touch time in. Give each other massages. The touching can help your mood shift. Give it a go…
At the end of the day, recognize this shift. Recognize how your online consumption may be affecting your relationship. Once you do that, you can make the choice to do something else for a bit and reconnect.
As always,
Gabriela