“Sexpectations” and Your E.D.

One of the hardest things for men who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction to manage is “Sexpectations” or the expectations they or their love one places on a sexual event. Hard to believe, but nearly 75% of the E.D. cases I see has sexpectations at the root of performance anxiety. The expectation of a certain

outcome or experience is so high that the amount of pressure fuels and feeds the anxiety that results in erectile dysfunction.

So, what is a guy to do?

Well, it is totally understandable to get frustrated if a particular sexual experience does not go the way you would like or to feel that you have let down your loved one. That said, if we are to reduce the amount of pressure on a particular event or act with the goal of reducing the overall anxiety around performance we need to first remove the intense attachment of the goal.

You with me?

To make this simple, we need to make sexual experiences light, fun, loose, and not so freaking “make it or break it.”

When we decide that sex or a sexual experience has to have A, B, C, and D or else it can’t be considered good (or worse, we label it aas “bad sex”) then we are putting so many constraints on sex in general that it can be nearly impossible to achieve what we have dubbed “good sex” and subsequently it will be undoubtedly be labeled a “failed” experience.

However, when we treat each sexual experience as unique and open for expression, the probability of things working out is much, much higher. Additionally, when we have loved ones who are also open to each sexual experience being unique we also reduce the overall pressure on performance.

If there was one thing I would love for you to take with you, it would be this… more expectations leads to more let downs. The one Sexpectation I would love y’all to have, would be to enjoy each other in that moment and think of nothing else.

As always,

Gabriela