My Husband’s Sex Drive Isn’t as High as Mine After Having a Baby. What Gives?
Low libido after having a baby is not new. In fact, it’s not even uncommon. What may be less well-known is that it impacts men just as much as it does women. Society tells us (and has told us for eons) that a man’s sex drive is far greater than a woman’s.
I have some news. That is blatantly untrue.
If I didn’t have studies to back it up, I could simply look at my client histories over the past 10+ years that I have been a practicing Sex Therapist in Texas and Florida. In fact, of the heterosexual couples who come to see me about an imbalance in sexual desire in the relationship, the women make up the majority of those who want more sex.
Gasp, I know.
And people would have us believe that women don’t have high sex drives. Pshaw.
What Could Be Keeping Your Husband’s Libido Down
Whether you carried a baby to term, adopted or brought a new little human into your life via surrogacy or otherwise, many assume that it is the mother who will be less interested in a swift return to a healthy sex life. In fact, it’s said it can take up to 18 months for a mother to regain her sex drive after having a baby.
Dads are humans too. They’re also parents. That means they are impacted by the same life changes that a mother can go through after introducing a baby into the mix (outside of the physical demands of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, of course). Sleepless nights and endless exhaustion? Check. Anxiety over finances and health? Check. Concern over their partner’s wellbeing? Check, check, check.
All these can things and more (physical or medical issues including low testosterone, depression, and medication side effects), can negatively impact your partner’s libido.
Additionally, sometimes there’s even a dash of trauma thrown into the mix. Many men have difficulty feeling sexual with their partner after seeing a baby come out of their partner’s vagina or abdomen.
How to Help Him Get His Sex Drive Back
The first thing I tell my ladies who are looking to get more action from their partner after introducing a baby at home, is to be patient. Your lovey is only human. And yes, while you’ve been through a lot physically and mentally as well – so have they.
As a partner, the first thing we can do is be supportive and open lines of communication. Talk about your desires, what you need from your partner physically and then be willing to listen to where they are and what they may need from you.
Oftentimes, starting small is key. Find a babysitter and spend a night out just the two of you. Try a different location – get out of the house and spend a night in a nearby hotel. Find more ways to physically show intimacy without it being sexual and gradually increase to more intimate and erotically stimulating touches. Or back up a few paces and share some sexual thoughts and ruminations. Send a text saying what you can’t wait to do with him again, when he’s ready.
All is not lost, oftentimes we just need to reignite the passions and give our minds and bodies some time to adjust to our new lifestyle. If you are in Florida or Texas and have questions or want some advice on how to get back on the same page as your partner, let’s schedule a FREE 15-minute consult.
Gabriela