How to Reignite Passion in a Long-Term Relationship
Alright y’all. This is one of those tale as old as time stories. You know the kind, when you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you slowly, almost imperceptibly have slipped into relationship and sexual complacency.
You got comfortable. Routines were easy to fall into. And now you do the same schtick day-in and day-out, including in the bedroom. That’s all well and good for dinner recipes and after-work cocktails, until you realize the sex that used to make your toes curl are now feeling robotic and rehearsed.
The pressures of everyday adult life can be extremely draining. It’s hard to prioritize you and your partner’s sexual needs while simultaneously dealing with work, kids, finances, and other outside demands.
Does that mean the days of mind-blowing sex with the love of your life are merely a thing of the past? Absolutely not! Can you get that fire back and heat up your sex life? You bet.
How to Bring Passion Back into Your Sex Life
As a board-certified sex therapist, I hear a lot of couples say things like, “I miss when we used to have sex like rabbits in our 20s,” or “Before we had kids, sex was so much better.”
Ya’ll, step one for breathing more passion into your relationship is stop living in the past. As fun as those times were, your present can be even more fun – and sexually fulfilling – if you just give it a chance. Here are a few good tips to give your sex life a boost.
Get to Touching Each Other More Often
No, I don’t mean sexually – not yet. If things are fizzing out sexually between you and your lovey and you’re not getting enough action – the last thing you want to do is force it. Start small. Touch your partner more frequently throughout the day. What do I mean by that? Squeeze their hand, touch their shoulder, run your fingers through their hair. Snuggle up to them while watching your shows at night.
Physical touch does a lot in breaking down intimacy barriers and opening yourselves up to more physicality later on.
Break the Routines and Invite Change
Passion in the bedroom will naturally arise when there’s more passion in other aspects of your life. This can be individually done to change how you feel about yourself (for example: you could change up your workout routine, treat yourself to a massage, or simply schedule some social time with a friend) and together as a couple where you could dine out at a new restaurant, do a workout together, or even redecorate your apartment or house. The idea is to add more flavor into your life, so you have more energy and you’re more excited to try new things.
Don’t Be Afraid to Schedule Sexy Time
If you have kids or if your schedules are just too overwhelming, there is something to be said about actually penciling in some sexy time together. While you may be wrinkling your nose as you read this – hear me out.
Imagine seeing on your calendar a good “shag” at 2pm on a Wednesday for a lunch break or an 10am “sexy time” on Saturday morning. There’s something inherently sexy about looking forward to a good romp with your loved one. It builds anticipation (so long as it’s in a good way, you know, without expectations and you both agreed to it. Consent is sexy!)
Talk About Your Sexual Wants and Needs
Last but in no way least, talking to your lovey about what you are looking to gain out of your sex life together is not only hot but it’s imperative. Open lines of communication with your partner invites intimacy, builds trust, and strengthens your relationship. It may not be the easiest of things for some people (our histories, culture and upbringing all play a role in our comfort in communicating these needs), so it’s as important to be patient with yourself as with your partner as you open these lines of communication.
And of course, you don’t have to jump all in without guidance. Working with a board-certified sex and intimacy therapist is a great option for couples who are ready to reignite the passion in their relationship. If you’re curious or ready to get started, schedule a FREE consultation with me today. You’re just 15 minutes away from the start of an incredibly sexy relationship.